media log

i’m sorry but i knew where this was going half way through.

but i also love the absurdity of this film so much in way that most films don’t capture :)

so… like were we inside his dads balls for all the angel scenes? we’re we all just sperm mucking about before being “sent out” into the world?!?

“You don't exist, neither do I. We only live in the imagination of a nine years old child”

fuck, i hope they haven’t seen skibidi toilet

++ for surreal af 

- trite scientific concepts thinly veiling a lack of substance 

- the cheesiest angel scene of all time

+ great chemistry between all the flashback actors

indiana jones for white moms

They put a semi truck in the Patsy’s 😭😭😭

“You’re the coolest and cutest guy I’ve ever met”

—Kristen Stewart to Jesse Eisenberg after having sex with Ryan Reynolds

perfect

“i do”

Edward Snowden FACE REVEAL?!?

Just as good as I remember it. Ages like fine wine.

UBER REVIEW

Zain was SO helpful and helped me solve a murder case where I thought two dudes killed my friend but it turned out they were just strippers that liked stealing purses so then I thought it was the landlord because he was soooooo creepy and was watching us through the cameras (ew!) but it turns out he was just a creep, at least his conveniently stored camera footage led me to believe it was the police officer I reported the crime to but it turns out he just wanted to fuck my friend and, funny enough, months later after my vacation, I was at my (newly) ex-husband’s house to drop off my weirdly named baby (Ass Turd?) but I found my friend’s necklace in his jacket pocket and realized he was the real killer because he was obsessed with her from their affair and I caught his entire confession on tape for the police to hear.

Also so happy I was able to converse with him in arabic thanks to the randomly inserted backstory of me working with some charity foundation that worked out of Syria. 

Couldn’t have done it without Zain! Thank you Zain! I love you Zain!

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

If I had a nickel for every time River Phoenix cries to his friend by a campfire, I’d have two nickels. I’m not complaining but it’s just surprising

*is a japanese competitive hotdog eater”

“I’ll do anything to feel hunger again, I’ll vary my diet”

*proceeds to make a hotdog*

I didn’t know the most unrealistic thing about this film was that if you ever cheat on your wife in public, you don’t actually need to apologize to the news; you just need to be Donald Trump, just say everyone is against you 🤷

why

I didn’t even watch it. But WTF, I’m going to assassinate the next Hollywood exec that greenlights another derivative corporate IP remake of a remake with 5 big-name actors. STOP PEDDLING THIS BLAND GARBAGE

when your true self is dying on the vine, the slow decay won’t be evident till it’s too late.

mr melancholy representing our dogmas and the way the birthday party people completely ignore him when he realizes he’s been dead on arrival for his entire life. it’s perfect. no one wants to acknowledge him because he’s not following “the script”

if you don’t follow the dogma, you’re as good as dead to everyone (like madeline). i also couldn’t help but realize that madeline shows up three times, all at pivotal developmental times in life: middle school, high school, post college, and “never shows up again”

we try to bottle up these ideas about ourselves and stow them away, maybe next to your heart in a freezer in a dark basement. then we say those old views of ourselves were “cheesy” upon looking back at them.

the worst part about it all, is seconds feel like years in this world. every year that passes is only a few seconds in reality. who wants to live like that?? maybe we need to be buried alive in our own shallow grave to achieve metamorphosis. things have to get worse before they get better

i felt UNCOMFORTABLE with that ending. “sorry everyone”

Tom Cruise has been real quiet since DUNE (behind-the-scenes) dropped

the worst comedy:comedian ratio i’ve ever seen

i don’t get jerry seinfeld